When I entered Daejin University, everything was confusing to me. I wanted to do nothing, because I didn’t know why I was living. So every day I felt that I was not leading my life, but being led. I think that leading my life is living according to a plan. It involves being willing to do what I have to do according to a plan rather than simply accepting whatever happens to me. Also it is making the best use of my extra time. As you probably know, there is much time between classes in a university. Different from high school, I needed to have the ability to utilize my time, but I didn't have that ability. I didn't know at all what I had to do in my suddenly changed surroundings. Moreover, I felt alone in a dormitory, separated from my family. For these reasons, I couldn't live according to any plan, so I felt that I was just being led. Furthermore, as I lived by emotion rather than reason, I didn't do what I had to do, which was study hard. When I look back upon the past, it was really a disordered time. But now after three terms, I have found some of the reasons why.
        First of all, I entered a university without thinking why I must go to a university. Of course, I wanted to study English language and literature. But I was little interested in that when it came to actually attending classes. As I was taking a lesson, I used to think that the content of the lesson would not be useful, so I was not interested in the class. Therefore I didn't study at all, and I disliked studying. At that time, I thought that other students thought like me and disliked studying also. But they were different from me. They did what they had to do, though they were unwilling to do it. On the other hand, I didn't do that. Realizing this fact, I began to pay attention in classes carefully. As a result, I came to be interested in studying, and the classes became more interesting. I realized why people studied literature. As I began to pay more attention to the lectures on literature, I knew the reason why I needed to go to a university. I could learn how to live from the university lectures.
        Furthermore, when I considered the fact that my parents suffered for me, I came to regret my living without any definite plan. My family lives separated. My father is in Sokcho, and my mother is in Taeback. Because my father is a man of religion, he earns little money. So my mother works in a restaurant. She works for twelve hours a day. But all of her earnings are spent for my older brother, my younger brother, and me. She works standing all day, and she has few holidays. Thinking about it, I was very sorry to my mother and father that I didn't live earnestly. So I wanted to mitigate my parents' suffering by receiving a scholarship. In the past, I seemed to be indifferent toward the suffering of my parents.
        Finally, I became aware that to live doing my best was much better than to live lazily. I think everybody is born with their own responsibilities in the world. When they do their best in their given situation, they are said to lead a life worthy of a human being. People usually say that human beings are the lords of all creation. Therefore, we must live a human life. We must make our efforts to carry out our mission as the lords of all creation.
        Obviously then, I had a chaotic time when I first entered my university, because I had not aim in my life. I came to realize that I had to live a life doing my best one day after another. Of course, I know that is not enough. But I think if I do that at least, I may be able to find my real goal in life someday. Anyway I learned many important things about human life from these experiences, and I have begun to change gradually. Although I'm not perfect yet, and I'm not satisfied now, I'll make an effort constantly. Although I know I can't be perfect like God, I believe only when I take pains to be perfect will I develop more and more.