Are women too sensitive? Do men take things less seriously? Or do they face less problems than women? Maybe problems of less importance? What about sharing good times? All of these questions bring rise to yet another question: Do men and women have different definitions of friendship?
        I have asked myself that question many times, but I believe that no matter how many times I try to get the correct answer I will not get it myself. I, therefore, had to do some research around that point. Depending heavily on other people's opinions, I interviewed a total of 16 people, 8 males and 8 females. (Refer to Appendix for questions I asked.) Also, wondering whether age played a role in the defining of friendship, I made sure that they were of ages ranging between 12 years and 30 years old.

        Nearly all of the females I interviewed gave me the same results, which were pretty close to my expectations. They all wanted their friends to be honest, loyal, trustworthy and "good listeners." Some mentioned that they looked for a sense of humor in their friends. Others said that it is important that a friend is well-mannered and kind-hearted. But mostly, the females wanted their friends to be always there and to help without questioning. One of the girls I interviewed, for example, said, "Understanding is an essential part of friendship." None of them believed that a large number of best friends was possible, but their reasons differed with their differences in age. The younger girls believed that it is hard to find many true friends, while the older women believed that it is not impossible to find many loyal friends, but having many best friends takes away the pleasure of having a best friend. Some also said that many best friends could lead to the occurrence of problems, probably due to misunderstandings or things like that. One said, "What's a best friend if all your friends are best friends?"
        Regarding the characteristics of a best friend, most of the females I interviewed said that honesty is the most important. They also mentioned other things like understanding and thinking alike. Concerning the things they do or share with their best friends, all of them said that they would share everything. Some mentioned things like going shopping together, going to the movies, playing sports, spending hours on the phone talking about personal things, and sometimes studying together and just hanging out. They all said that they would trust their best friends to the maximum. Sara, a 21-year-old female, said, "I would trust her with my life!" Whether the best friend was the same gender or not didn't seem to concern them much. They said that it depended on the person's personality rather than gender. But they felt that sometimes one needs to talk to a female because there are things that she would understand while a male wouldn't. This still doesn't prevent having a male best friend together with a female best friend, though.

        The majority of the males that I interviewed were concerned with characteristics of personality like being interesting, being smart, and being fun to be with. Not all of them believed that having many best friends was possible, although some did. Most of them thought that a best friend is a best friend, and it doesn't matter how many best friends you have as long as they are all true friends. Those that disagreed said that a best friend is someone who cares about you, and only a few people really care about others. Rami, an 18 year old male, said, "A best friend is someone you spend most of your time with, and you can't be with everyone at the same time!"
        Most of them said that a best friend is someone who cares and a person you can trust with almost anything. One 22-year-old male said something that I found very interesting. He told me, "Your best friend is that person you can walk out on and he would still be there for you!" Nearly all of them believed that a best friend is that person you can do all sorts of things with. In fact, some even said that you should share everything with your best friend and do anything you feel like doing. Even things that seem "dumb" can be fun when done with someone you feel comfortable with, like your best friend.
        Unlike the results I got from the females I interviewed, most of the males said that although they would not mind having female best friends, they would get along better with a male. Some younger males said things like this: "Girls talk a lot" or  "Girls are too sensitive." One even said, "Girls don't know how to have fun." Others, who were generally older people, had a different opinion and said that they sometimes need a woman's advice. For example, a 30-year-old man told me, "I can't do anything without going back to my wife. She seems to always know what to do."

        "Women are friends, I once would have said, when they totally love and support and trust each other, and bare to each other the secrets of their souls, and run--no questions asked--to help each other and tell harsh truths to each other (no, you can't wear that dress unless you lose ten pounds first) when harsh truths must be told" (Viorst, 1998, p. 65). I agree with this statement strongly. My results have also proven to agree with this statement. But men are not different in their friendships either. The differences come along with the differences in personality and also the differences between the roles of the two genders. Based on my interviews, it seems that men, like women, truly love and care for their friends; the men totally support their friends whenever they can.
        Women and men do have some clear differences, however, and these differences appear in friendship. This certainly doesn't mean that their respective definitions of friendship are different. In conclusion, men and women do not have different definitions of friendship. They only share their friendships in different ways, which is probably due to some of the differences between the two genders.

Viorst, J. (1998). Friends, good friends--such good friends. In R. Spack, Guidelines: A cross-cultural reading/writing text (pp.65-68). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.