As adolescents, our interactions with the opposite sex are mainly competitive. This is due to our curiosity about the physical differences between the two genders and how the society around us expects us to behave. However, as we grow older into our adult years, interactions with the opposite sex become more a means to choose a mate (a lover-partner). Such behavior could be categorized as instinct, a nature-driven force to strengthen and continue the human race. Nevertheless, culture and customs also play a big role in human interactions.
        In many areas, such as the Middle East, both adolescent and adult interactions with the opposite sex are rather limited. In many Middle Eastern countries schooling is exclusive. Boys attend an all boys' school, and girls attend an all girls' school. Also, in some Middle Eastern countries, such as Iran, adult males and adult females are not allowed to date. In other words, a man and a woman are not to be seen together in public, unless they are married. Homayounian (2000) emphasizes the restrictions put on youngsters by the Islamic regime in Iran. He interviewed boys and girls out on a hiking trip discussing with them the negative experiences they had had with the police because of being out with friends of the opposite sex. According to Homayounian, for many teens, "being hassled by the police" is an everyday ordeal" (p. 2). On the other hand, in most European and Western countries, such as the United States, male and female interactions exist at much higher levels. In the U.S., for example, boys and girls have the choice to attend either a coed or an exclusive schooling system. Moreover, adult males and adult females are able to date and socialize freely.
        It is obvious that our upbringing can have a strong impact on our behavior. Thus, the attitude towards the opposite sex may vary between someone of American backgrounds and somebody who was raised in Iran. To an observer, the two different cultures may have both pros and cons. However: Is it better to separate boys from girls? If yes, for how long? If no, why not? When is it OK for boys and girls to interact with each other? Will dating have any effects on marriage? I presented similar questions to eight students, both Iranian and American. The five Iranians were here at the American University of Sharjah (AUS), and the three Americans were back in the U.S.¹

        I met the five Iranian students I interviewed here at AUS and found their responses rather interesting. All five agreed that a segregated schooling system has both pros and cons. All students said that a coed schooling environment allows the genders to learn from each other. "[Coed schools] will abolish future communication barriers between men and women," mentioned one Iranian student, to which all agreed. Furthermore, all five students agreed that segregated schools could create negative tension between students of the opposite sex. One of the men said, for example, "It's like telling a boy not to do something [for example, that teenage boys and girls should not talk to each other].... He will turn around and do the exact opposite." One of the women continued by emphasizing that this might have a negative effect because "now the boy does not know how to express himself [because he has not had a chance to learn to talk to girls], and he may say something he does not mean." She went on to say that because all her life she had not had a chance to socialize with male students, she felt "embarrassed or shy" and did not know how to approach a man she might have interest in. Two other male students agreed with her.
        Out of five Iranian students, four agreed that sex education should be taught in school. Two of the men felt sex education is very important and it should also be illustrated in school (wishful thinking). One female student believed parents should teach sex education. Nevertheless, she confessed that, even though she was 21 years old, she had yet to get the "talk."² Only two out of the five students had been lectured by their parents about where babies come from. And they both agreed that, because sex was not a subject openly discussed in their family, it was perhaps the most awkward moment of their life. Two male students agreed with the idea of distribution of condoms in school. One disagreed by arguing that distribution of condoms would be an incentive for students to have sex at a young age. The two females did not make any comments about this matter. Perhaps they were too shy to talk about sex related details on front of men.
        When asked about dating before marriage, all the students disagreed with the Iranian laws and emphasized the fact that adults should be free to date before marriage if they choose to. One male student said, "I want to fall in love and then get married, rather than get married and find out my partner and I are not right for each other." One man, however, said that a couple should have sex before marriage. This way the couple can find out if they are "sexually compatible." The two women disagreed. One said, "A girl who has had sex before marriage will not be looked at [by men] the same as one who has not." The two female and one male student also concluded that sex before marriage can lead to early pregnancy, illegitimate children, and sexually transmitted diseases, all of which can "destroy one's life." Some of the girls interviewed by Homayounian (2000) also gave similar answers. "Where I come from, if a girl is not a virgin on her wedding night, she is a shame to her family and herself"  (p. 1), said one of the girls in his study.

        I attended high school with the three U.S.-born students I interviewed. Among the three students, there were one man and two women. When asked about their feelings about a segregated schooling system, all three agreed that it was a "bad idea." Like the Iranian students, they too believed that boys and girls need to interact and learn about each other.
        When asked about the effects that segregated schools may have on students' behavior towards the opposite sex, all three agreed that it would make it hard for the two genders to have smooth future relations. Nevertheless, one male student added that sometimes all-male schools strengthen the friendship level between two boys. He explained that the first four years of his schooling were in an all boys' boarding school, and that's where he met his "best friend." Joel D. Block (1998) also agrees with this point. In his essay, "Myth, Reality and Shades of Gray: Comparing Same-Sex Friendship," he comments on childhood friends: "Most preteen children have a best friend who is usually someone of the same sex and similar age" (p. 70).
        When asked about sex-education, all three students agreed that it was a good idea. All three also believed that because of mandatory sex education classes in American high schools, they now have a better understanding about sex and can deal better with "peer pressure" about sex. Two of the students, one male and one female, thought that distribution of condoms in school was a good idea, since it might be embarrassing for a young student to purchase condoms, thus making it harder for him or her to practice safe sex.
        When asked about dating before marriage, they all said that they have to know the person they are planning to get married to, and the only way they can do that is through dating. As for sex, all three said that most likely they would have sex with the person they are dating before marriage. It was interesting that, like some Iranian students, all American students also thought that "sexual compatibility" is an important factor in a relationship.

        As we can see, responses by both the Iranian and American students were very similar, except for some of the ways they felt about sexual relations between men and women. The Americans students I interviewed tended to be more relaxed when it comes to sex. This is most likely due to the freedom they have. Meanwhile, for an Iranian woman, sex before marriage is looked down on. It seems as though both groups of people agree on free relationships between males and females. However, in many Middle Eastern countries, for many young people such as the five Iranian students in this research, interactions with the opposite sex are not allowed. This is due to the strict laws set forth by the government of the country. Nevertheless, one should remember that interactions with others, especially the opposite sex, are part of our instinct: a force much more powerful than any forbidding laws or any hard line rulers.

Block, J. (1998). Myth, reality, and shades of gray: Comparing same-sex friendship. In R. Spack, Guidelines: A cross-cultural reading/ writing text (pp. 69-74). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Homayounian, S. (2000, November 11). Bar gholehayeh osyan [Over tall peaks]. Iran-Javan. Retrieved November 7, 2001, from http://www.iran-javan.com/2/pdf/2.pdf

        ¹All three American students were originally from the state of Maine (located in the northeastern section of the U.S.). The man was a student at Babson College in Boston, Massachusetts. One of the women was a student at the University of Maine, Orono, and the other was a student at Purdue University in Indiana. Among the five Iranians that I interviewed, three were male and the other two were female. Both women and one of the men were from Tehran, the largest city and the capital of Iran. The other two men were from smaller cities.
        ²"The talk" is a term given to the explanation of the human reproductive system, usually given by American parents to their children.